"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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