before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she peed on how many people?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
