One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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