dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
