At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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