Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
