I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
