today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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