if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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