Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
