Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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