dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
