1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
