The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
