Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
