at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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