I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
