The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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