I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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