i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
