No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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