I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
