So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
