I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
