So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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