So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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