the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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