He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
