how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
