Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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