true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
