Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
