I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
