you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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