Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
