if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
