Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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