I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
