He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
