Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
