just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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