i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
