I faked an abortion last night.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
