I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
