Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
