Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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