On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
