i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
