I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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