Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
tell me about the fingering
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