She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
