Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love you. Go after that dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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